Since being threatened with homelessness by my boyfriend for not updating, I pledge on this day renewed diligence. So . . . . Gin - My Evil Nemesis Part I. Back in the early 1990s, I first encountered the liquor with the moniker gin. Like all alcohols before it (and since it), I greedily ingested same with vigor. In fact, gin and I engaged in a love affair of sorts - mainly because a good friend, Jess, and I had created "The Canadian Bomb" - which was gin and Schweppes Ginger Ale with a touch of Chambord. We would sit drinking this tasty concoction and regaling pride upon ourselves for our cocktail generating genius. At the bar, like the true dorks, we would ask for the "The Bomb". It was a failed attempt to bring recognition to our creation, and like many of these ventures - it failed stupendously. Bartenders basically looked at us with scorn asking for the ingredients. Also at the same time, I tried to bring renewed interest in the word "higgledy piggledy" which means in an utter disorder or confusion, but that is another story. So, gin and I were friends, good friends. Many a laugh was had under its influence. And like all relationships built on lies, we came to a disastrous end. One evening at the Piano Factory in Jess's apartment, my love and I were engaged. I sipped, and he gently warmed my insides. I am unsure of the total of the beverages consumed - Jess was known for her doubles. But as the evening progressed, I felt the change. Something had happened. It occurred suddenly on the couch, when I could not focus and felt violently ill. I left the apartment at 10:00 p.m. and arrived at my door at 10:30. It should be known at this point, I lived exactly 2 floors up. The details are distorted but this is what I know is true - I clutched the stairs crawling up all the way murmuring repeatedly to God to help me and that such pollutants would never touch my lips again (since he didn't, I revoked the offer). When finally stumbling into my apartment, the only location proved helpful was the floor of my bathroom. You can imagine the rest. Tomorrow - Gin is My Nemesis Part II - St. Patty's 2006.