Travel Thoughts

In less just about 23 hours I will be in the first hour of a five and half hour flight (SF to Boston) with my husband, 3.5 year old son and 16 month old daughter. This I wish happen on the plane:

1. That he purple glow of the Virgin American plane creates an almost spa like effect in my children lulling them into incapacity (sans drool).

2. That there are other children on the plane, so that when I look up and meet the eyes of another parent, we can via our eyes say “Holy god, I am getting so drunk after this flight.”

3. That toddler headphones work miracles.

4. That my daughter naps.

5. That I don’t run screaming to the exit in a fit of insanity because some asshole just bumped the chair and Maggie woke up 10 minutes into her usual two hour nap (this happened before, that flight is what in which hell is loosely based).

6. That crayons occupy tiny minds, and if not occupy, I really don’t care if they eat them, because an entire twenty pack will be what, 45 minutes of gastronomical delight?

7. That there is no divorce after we land.

8. That there are no explosive poops.

9. That I can hold myself back if someone rolls their eyes at me, because I might snap. And by snap, I mean place my kid on their lap and say “Okay, Dr. Sears have at it.”

10. That by some miracle of god, they are actually a-okay, behave, and people cheer and high five me upon my exit. And then unicorns, fairies and rainbows greet me at Logan (with vodka).