I Take It All Back

I would like to state the following. Work is better than staying at home with a child. Need evidence, how about the following two stories that I have heard today:

1. There is a bird near my office that is attacking people who walk by her nest. It is so ridiculous the news has covered the story so now stands a crowd of people waiting for the next bird pecked victim. Guess where I am going tomorrow?

2. One of the people I work with told me she has Benign Positional Vertigo or Inner Ear Dizziness. I think the following is best used to describe this:

Someone with this problem may mistake it with having a really bad hangover or being so drunk that when they plop down on the bed to sleep it off everything begins to whirl around. The person will feel dizzy sometimes nauseous. Any attempt to get up and they may fall. Any effort to crawl is just as difficult. The dizziness may last briefly or all night. The person may pass out and wake up the next day feeling fine.

Benign Positional Vertigo occurs when minute calcium deposits inside of the inner ear break off and repeatedly strike the fragile hair cells when the head moves. The reason a person who has been drinking might cure their self of the Vertigo is because they will probably keep moving and stumbling around until they knock the calcium deposits out of the inner ear. Otherwise their body would have to absorb the calcium deposits on its own, which could take ten weeks or longer.

For the record, I totally must have had this at one time or another. From this day forward, whenever drunk and stumbling I will state with slurring speech “Drunk, me. No freaking way, I happen to be suffering from benign Positional Vertigo, now let me drink some more in order to correct said problem. Tequila! This is an alcoholic’s dream come true.