Cursed!

Today I went to have an ultrasound because during my follow up appointment for my IUD they were unable to see the strings which meant nothing as they could have been cut short. But let us remember that I am a girl that obviously pissed off someone with bewitching powers because the onslaught of medical oddities continues. I would not be upset if say I was on bed rest for both pregnancies due to a short cervix, or discovering I was allergic to yellow peppers at age 26 by having my eye swell to four times its size, or I having an IUD placed that suddenly become lost. If any one of these things happened to me, I would be fine with it. But holy crap, not all three of them, and an onslaught of other stupid trivial things that when added to these makes me wonder – WHAT THE HELL DID I DO? As a Catholic, and a guilty one, it is taught you get what you deserve, which I tend to agree. However, I do not believe shoplifting Lita Ford’s Kiss Me Deadly at a Kmart is quid quo pro. In fact, I do believe I am owed something, like lottery winnings. The last thing I need right now with returning to work Monday and an overwhelming need to vomit every time I think about leaving Maggie, is the fact that there is a Mirena IUD lodged somewhere in my being. Because let’s face it guys, the chances that this thing was just expelled by accident with my track record are slim to none. Which brings another telling sign, when you call your OB/GYN to explain the situation and her aide comes back in 45 seconds with a “Can you come in tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.?” you begin to think that maybe this is something that is not normal. I sometimes wonder if I were a hypochondriac if all of this would make me feel validated as an individual, but since I am not, it just pisses me off to no end, and I cannot even drink vodka to combat the woes. At this moment, nothing would feel better than becoming falling down drunk while verbally assaulting my nether regions. That would be grand.