He Liked My Frames. I have issues, which I like to refer to politely as quirks. Quirks are the bizarre idiosyncrasies that define who we are. For example, for a long time I had an irrational fear of going into a Gap store. The reason? The hardwood floors. It was impossible for me to walk into The Gap without my shoes making a clicking clack upon the floor. Which would bring the attention of a salesperson, who in turn would ask me if I needed help. To which I would respond “No, thank you.” The entire process aggravated me, so I avoided The Gap until I discovered headphones equals no salesperson harassment. You as a reader will surely be saying to yourself “Bitch be crazy.” But nope, that is just one of my many quirks. Another quirk of mine is the fact that I hate the attempt by some to turn the mundane into cool. Starbucks has been doing this for years with their Tall, Grande and Vente shenanigans. I outright refuse to use those terms. A typical Starbucks Order:

Me: Could I please have a Medium Non-Fat Latte? (Defiantly).
Clerk: So, a Grande? (Trying to convert me to Starbuckian).
Me: Yep, a Medium. (Hahahahaha bitch!).

I have never used the term Grande, and will continue to refuse until the day I die, when I will probably be buried in a Grande Coffin. Well that is my hope given my new exercise and diet regime, we are still floating around piano box at the moment. But I digress. So, last week while getting my hair cut (not styled), my hairdresser (not stylist) said to me “I like your Frames.” My five-second thought process before uttering a weak “Thanks” was:

Frames? What the hell are Frames? Frames . . . Oh, my glasses. What the hell? Frames? That is stupid. Stupid hairdressers with their stupid salon and their stupid cooler than thou attitude. Yeah, so what I have not got my haircut in 7 months and you are looking at me like I just murdered someone. I was on bed rest. And no I will not be buying any of the 15 products you will put in my hair and drill in my head I need. I don’t need them . . . AND THEY ARE EYEGLASSES, DORK.

Anyway, is it wrong of me to hate the hipster attitude of turning the mundane into something brilliantly different? I think not. But I do like my glasses. Don’t you agree?