Babycenter Helps Me Determine Owen's Giftedness

I get e-mails from babycenter.com extolling such gems like, “Your 3 year old - Ms. Bossy.” Oh really, Babycenter, I think mini-tyrant may be a better title since we share living space. Also, you people out there with kids that have not reached three - leave, just leave, actually run, for your life. Today, I got the following - “Signs of Giftedness in a 5 to 8 year-old. I have a 5 year old! Immediately, after clicking on the link, I realized this was not a tutorial on how to wrap up child up in shiny paper with twisted curls in order to give him away. Assholes! Instead I read a list of bulleted pointed items that would help me deduce if my 5 year old was gifted which means smart, I guess. So, shall we:


Your child may be gifted if he:

Thinks abstractly; that is, he grasps advanced mathematical and linguistic concepts and can talk about such complex issues as ethics, morality, and religion.

Yep. On Saturday, I asked Owen how long he wanted to remain swimming, and he said to me 100 minutes, NOT an hour and 40 minutes. Also, before we eat, he is always quick to say “Thank you Jesus (pronounced “Cheezits”) for this meal. And he told me I did something mean, when I DID DO SOMETHING MEAN.

Is able to intensely concentrate and focus on one activity for long periods.

Absolutely, he can sit focused on the TV for hours.

Has a large vocabulary and understands words not typically used by peers.

Yes, most of his friends do not know of the New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox.

Is confident in his accomplishments and ideas.

There is never a person quicker to show me his poops. Also, the other day he suggested we get married. Again. And I told him (again), “Get an effin job already.”

Is sensitive to other people's feelings.

Whenever I am crying over an empty bottle of wine, Owen is there with a hug.

Well,  I think we know our answer, don't we?

Also, check out who can swim -