Why Some Day I Will Be Committed - A Continuing Series

Like no one else on the planet, my resolution for the New Year was a healthier me: to eat better, to go the gym more, to workout on weekends. As we near the end of February, I can say my commitment has been solid. In fact, this past Monday was the first day since February 4 that I did not work out. Who exercises on President’s Day? Fifteen consecutive days of working my ass off (literally). As someone who needs distant goals to keep my will strong, I signed up for my office building’s Beach Body Challenge, a weigh-off with a grand prize of a trip for two to Hawaii. I know! However, in the back of my mind lay the following - “Too bad this was not in January because I have SO lost weight. I mean, whatever, it is still motivation.”

Imagine my surprise, when after body measurements were taken, I got on the scale to peer down and see the exact same number that was revealed the beginning of December. I don’t usually weight myself as it tends to piss me off, which is a good rule of thumb, since I was instantaneously fucking pissed off upon reading said number. “Seething” would be more appropriate. Why so mad? I have been killing myself at the gym. I have been killing myself at home. In fact, last weekend after completing an advanced 45 minute workout from the Nike Training app, John asked me if I had been gang raped. I think that right there details my level of exertion and commitment.

Oh yes, I know the entire muscle weighs more than fat bullshit, and that my clothes do fit better, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know this. But that number! I am pretty sure God hates me. Or my boobs weigh 30 pounds. And honestly, both of these things could be true. This now means I have gone from “No way I will win this thing” to “It is on, assholes. I am going to Hawaii.” Let’s be absolutely clear, I am competitive to the point of psychosis. And my psycho switch has just been turned on. So if you don’t hear from me, I will be at the gym not drinking beer (OMFG), not eating carbs and cursing scales everywhere.

Yes, I am crazy.