My cervix hates me. I am not sure what I did to offend it, but obviously it has it out for me. Yesterday I got an IUD. I knew that the insertion of this IUD would be a tad bit painful so I took a Motrin 600 and a vicodin. Oh yeah! The nurse practitioner was going to perform the procedure because my doctor’s first available appointment was not until June, and there was no way I was going to wait that long. As I lay there, the nurse suddenly said, “Oh, your cervix is going to give me some problems, so I am going to get the doctor.” Did this surprise me? No. Because let me detail to you the amazing adventures of my cervix: abnormal pap smears, colopscopies, laser ablation surgery, maybe cervical polyps resulting in a D&C (no polyps though), short cervix resulting in bed rest during both pregnancies, and now IUD hating cervix. My cervix obviously has low self esteem and needs constant attention. I am sick of it. If I could I would repeatedly bitch slap it for the trials and tribulations it has put me through. Hopefully our relationship is now dead given my new IUD. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t e-mail me. If I hear anything cervix related for the next 5 years I will be pushed over the edge and punch the person who says it. Just a warning.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
LOL You just had me cracking up. I wish that I could just write my cervix off as well; but I will be hearing from it in the next year or so when I attempt to get knocked up again. Kudos to you for telling your cervix to shove it.
Post a Comment