The other evening, I entered Safeway to make a few grocery store purchases - a bottle of wine, and 2 pints of ice cream. And as I waited in line gazing upon my items, I realized that I had the very things that screamed female, single and doomed - ice cream and white wine. I wanted to scream that someone did in fact like me, and at the age of 32 I had not given into the magnetism of alcohol combined with cold creamery crack. But alas, I fear the cashier Juan was not fooled as he looked at me with a pitiful gaze. Ah well, time to invest in a fake wedding band.

This week has been a whirlwind, thus the lack of posts. But fear not, I shall begin again next week with a renewed diligence. Right now I crave a pillow, but 4 more hours of work must be completed. 4 hours, or 240 minutes, or 14,400 seconds. Does anyone else do this? I have been doing it since I was little, and can't see to stop. Ah, well. Actually I do have a story that popped in my head on the way to see Charlie Murphy last Thursday while my boyfriend's brother was telling of how he got an extreme pain in his ear. Only to find out it was about an inch of sand buried in his ear the cause being his falling asleep on the beach while with his dog Otto. As he told about the pain, I remembered my paper experiment circa Fifth Grade. I had a problem with water in my ears. No matter what, I got water in my ears, and it drove me bonkers. Still does, but with age, I have a tried and true method. Basically, whenever I put my head under the shower, I block my ears. This is especially fun to witness when I am washing the shampoo soap out. Ears blocked, head swaying from the left to the right to the left to the right, pure Steven Wonder. Sometimes I even sing "I Just Called To Say I Love You." So one day in science class, I could take no more, so I took some notebook paper, rolled it in a ball, and put it in my ear. I figured that the paper would absorb the moisture in time, so later that evening I took the paper out. And I did this for a number of weeks; progressively getting increasingly bold. More paper, longer stays, both ears now involved, ear wax ratio on the paper documented. And yes this is completely disgusting, but also completely true. However, one day, I got the sharpest ache in my left ear. And as the day progressed it got only sharper until I could take no more. I ran screaming to my mother about my ear and the pain. She rushed me to the emergency room and there I sat waiting for the doctor. At no time during this wait, did it occur to me that the cause was the experiment. So the doctor asked questions, with my Mom there. I told him how the pain started in the morning and only got worse, and it hurt badly. He then took the ear probe out and stuck it in my ear where I just remember the following "Ah, there is something in here." "There is definitely something in here." So the doctor gets a tool and removes 7 balls of paper from my left ear, and 4 from my right. My mother looked stupefied and the doctor went on to say that it was obvious they were placed there at different times due to the different sorts of paper and wax. If looks could kill, there is no way I could be writing this. Of course, I tried to explain that I did it because I had water in my ear and I figured it would be a good way to get the water out, and I took the paper out at night, but I must have missed some. After the doctor informed me of Q-tips, and the fact I could have caused permanent and severe damage to my ears, my mother and I left the emergency room. My ear better, and my mother utterly embarrassed. And that is my notebook paper ear absorption experiment. And believe me, it was a success.