Its Night Night Time.

I have mentioned before that after John reads stories to Owen, I go in where we do pseudo yoga (breathing, humming, and stretching) and talk about our day. Owen has been on a nap strike at preschool which means that his stories with John last about 4 minutes before he is well under the veil of sleep. It seems that his strike is over, so once again we get to delve into the mind of a four year old. Yippee. Last night’s conversation began with the letter of the day, which was “S”. For socks, as Owen was clear to point out. Owen also likes to sing his ABCs in the style of Super Why while also counting them on his hands. “Use both your hands Mama.” He then proceeded to name all the stickers on his bed various family names and school friends names and then he said “Good job everybody. Thank you for listening.” After that Owen asked me if I wanted to play Elephant in the Jungle. What? Okay, I said, but I don’t know how to play. So we go under his covers, and he starts rolling imaginary dice saying there is a happy face, there is a star. I win. Then, how does one say this delicately, he was visiting his twigs and berries. I have told Owen repeatedly that his private parts are his private parts and only he touches them. Last night he goes, “I am touching my balls, Mama.” And I am all, “Touching your testicles. Testicles.” I do this because that is what you do today. There are no more terms like “dinkey” and “nuts”, it is penis and testicles. If nothing, our children will be adequately prepared for health class unlike me who after attending of Catholic school for 8 years went to public school and watched a cartoon of gonorrhea and chlamydia attacking people in absolute horror. Honestly, it is amazing I even have kids. But as Owen sat “exploring”, I told him that is fine to do that, but it is a private thing that you do at home. Because masturbation is now fine too and does not make you blind. Who knew? As he lay, he said to me “Mama, I am playing with my balls. I am rolling my dice! My dice!” And yes, I have not stopped laughing.

Tales from Bedtime

In order to curb the bedtime battle that was ensuing with Owen resulting in screams, cries and bottles of wine (all me), we decided a few months ago that after John read him stories, I would climb into bed with him until he was sleepy. It works great, usually by Owen’s third yawn I can head out of his room and he falls into a peaceful slumber. Because of this, Owen and I have been conversing while he tires. Two evenings ago, the following transpired:

Owen: “My head is itchy.” “Its soooooo itchy.” Scratching head.
Me: “You want me to scratch it?”
Owen: “Yep.”
Me: Scratching head. “What happened?”
Owen: “I hit my head.” “Its so itchy.”
Me: “How did you hit your head?”
Owen: “Maggie did it.”
Me: “I though you said you hit it.”
Owen: Silence.
Me: “You okay?”
Owen: “Mummy my eyes are itchy.” “Soooooooo itchy.”
Me: “Well, itch them.”
Owen: “No Mummy, you do it.” “I close my eyes and you itch them five times each.”
Me: “You are insane.” But yet itching his eyes, five times each in concentric circles.
Owen: “Thank you Mummy.”
Me: “You are welcome.”
Owen: “Let’s go to sleep.”
Me: “Okay.”
Owen: “Let’s cuddle.”
Me: “Okay.” (heart melting).

To be continued under Conversation With a Four Year Old: Your Window Into Insanity.